


Togther we fall

by Lemonaidforall



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, F/M, Heavy Angst, Hogwarts Sixth Year, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:54:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 17,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28735293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lemonaidforall/pseuds/Lemonaidforall
Summary: After 5th year Harry is the lowest he's ever been. His guardian gone, his friends spending the summer without him and no replies from professor Lupin. Harry is left languishing back in his closet after a particularly nasty fight with Dursleys. The summer scars Harry in many ways making a challenging 6th year. If only Malfoy would back off and leave him alone.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Luna Lovegood/Ginny Weasley
Comments: 39
Kudos: 94





	1. Long sleeves in the sun

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: obviously the characters and original Potter work belong to J.K.Rowling this is story is just my way of developing some ideas which i would have loved in the book.  
> Point to note: Hermione and Ron got together at the end of 5th year, after the break in to the ministry of magic.  
> TRIGGER WARNING. This chapter has a description of self harm

Sunlight filtered through the slits in the cupboard under the stairs of number 4 Privet Drive, causing the occupant, one Harry Potter to stir in his sleep and roll over. The scene was not unlike one of 5 summers ago, a cramped space full of dust and spiders and a teenage boy. However there were changes, for one, Harry's faded green jumper was now tucked under his head as a pillow and his pyjamas embroidered with the Gryffindor crest. The largest change you might observe however would be the size of the boy; whilst still far too skinny he was noticeably much taller, making the space rather more cramped than it was before. The sun shined yet brighter causing the boy to roll further across his makeshift pillow and promptly smack his head on the cupboard door. Hard.

Cursing, Harry pulled on his glasses struggling to sit up in the space, dislodging a good few spiders in doing so. he had hoped Aunt Petunia would have woken him to help with breakfast, at least that way he could have sneaked a few slivers of bacon from the pan when no one was watching. As he was struck thinking about bacon and sausage and all things nice to eat, his empty stomach rumbled terribly and taking that as her cue Aunt Petunia rapped on the door and sent him outside to weed the flower beds. As Harry headed outside the fading words of aunt petunia could be heard "and don't come back until its all done properly". 

The ground was baking in the hot summer sun and Harry was suddenly longing for the relative shade of his cupboard. He snorted to himself, wishing for a cupboard, he'd really sunk low. He absentmindedly ran his hand across the rose bush palm brushing the tops of the pink roses that Aunt petunia had ordered to be planted two years ago. He remembered how he'd laboured away planting them all, only for her scathing glare to rip into his pride as she commented they weren't in the right bed after all.  
He'd planted those roses three times before she allowed him into the shade for water, and then even she had to let him stay inside the next day as he leaned over the sink vomiting from heatstroke, head spinning. She'd drawn the line however when he'd asked for a painkiller.

Harry swore as his palm snagged on a thorn leaving a searing scarlet path down his arm. 

***

His head spun as he stumbled backwards staring at the red mark. His mouth suddenly dry. His eyes fixed on his arm, he slowly sank against the wall of the house behind the bush shielding him effectively from the view of passers by. He watched the blood slowly run down his forearm and couldn't tear his eyes away. 

His next conscious thought was one several hours later, as the evening chill made him shiver and look around. Trying hard not to look at his arm he swallowed pulling the sleeve down over the mess of the blood and dirt and standing up shakily. Then as he registered quite how late it had gotten into the day a pang of fear shot through him as he raced back towards the house. Aunt Petunia had told him earlier he was to make lunch but it must be well into the afternoon by now. As he raced through the door mouth opening to make some excuse for his absence he hurtled smack into the back of Uncle Vernon.

"You've got some explaining to do" he said stepping towards Harry. Harry backed away from him, his eyes drawn to the shiny glee in his uncles eyes. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. He didn't have a viable excuse whatsoever and he suspected even if he did he still wouldn't have been able to avoid what would come next. He cowered against the door wishing more than anything to be back outside in the chill. His hand reached in vain towards the handle but Vernon's eyes darted down and his hand closed around Harry's wrist, causing a grimace of pain to dart across his face. This elicited a look of puzzlement from Vernon which changed into surprise and then a smirk as he rolled up the sleeve of his nephew's frozen form.  
"I sliced it on the rose bush" blurted Harry.  
"Making a habit of that are we?" replied Vernon grinning, as he gestured to the rest of the arm. He stepped further away. "Follow me, we don't want any of the neighbours having to this witness, do you?"

***

Much, much later Harry groaned as he rolled over in his cupboard managing to bash his newly bruised back at least twice on the wall.  
"Just one week left" he thought to himself. Then you can see Ron and Hermione and not think about this place for months. "If you don't get anyone else killed " a sly voice interjected. Harry sighed, he missed Sirius massively his nightmares often plagued with him falling through the veil again and again and again until he woke up shivering and crying. In contrast, the letters his friends wrote where full of happiness and hope for next year, which only made him more hesitant to admit to the struggles he was having all by himself.  
Ginny was trying out for quidditch and obviously had a massive crush on Luna, which Harry was seriously happy about, as it cleared the air between them, and Harry had actually discovered through letters over the summer what a great friend she was to have. Luna had written to him too although her letters were harder to understand full of creature descriptions and diagrams of abstract fruit. 

Most of letters however were from Ron and Hermione, full of their summer exploits. They'd got together recently and even through just letters Harry could tell it was going well. Hermione's last letter had included a picture of the both of them in front of the burrow laughing. Harry had smiled at it until he sobbed and left it crumpled in his suitcase. Ron's last letter had been short and rushed and Harry suspected he'd hurried to finish it before spending time with Hermione.  
"Only one more week" he repeated and tucked the jumper back under his head and closed his eyes.


	2. Ice is thicker than water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry loses his temper and comes across a new set of problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: none of the characters or franchise belong to me only the story. The rest belongs to J.K.Rowling.

A week later Harry climbed unsteadily out of the taxi he'd taken after 'borrowing' some change from Uncle Vernon to reach Kings Cross Station. The wind swept a note out of his hand and it fluttered on the autumn breeze across the cobbles till it stuck to some tattered trainers. Harry looked up.  
Ron had grown again over the summer, now standing at least 5 inches taller than Harry, he looked down at harry and grinned.  
"shut up" warned Harry suppressing a small smile. "ooh touchy there mate, still didn't grow then?" sniggered Ron. Harry thought seriously about punching Ron lightly but stopped when he saw Hermione approaching. Which was probably a good thing as he would have probably have hurt his already injured hand on the taller boy.  
"Hi Harry" Hermione smiled brightly, "got everything?" she asked gesturing to the small pile of Harrys belongings on the station floor.  
"yeah" said harry, trying to adopt her tone. "How was your summer?"

***

As they made their way towards platform 9 and 3/4 Harry's mood began to lift, he was finally here with his friends going to his favourite place in the whole world. He relaxed and tuned into to whatever Hermione was scolding Ron about now, which turned out to be the speckles of mud across his neck.  
"you alright there mate?" Ron's voice intruded into his thoughts.  
"yeah, just a long old summer" he muttered, no use going into it now. Or in fact if possible ever.  
"oi Scarface " a yell was heard, Harry spun his heart sinking, he had hoped they could just ignore each other and both hate the other in peace. But it seemed no such luck. "How was your summer Potter? Missing anyone" Malfoy taunted.  
"Did your daddy tell you that?" Harry shot back, "Did he leave out the bit where he failed in his mission? Has Voldemort forgiven that?. Malfoy flinched. "scared Malfoy" he surprised even himself with the venom in his tone.  
"you wish" Malfoy murmured, but it was half hearted at best.  
He saw his opening and he took it.  
" oh I bet you are Ferret" he was getting angry, "you should be" he could feel Hermione's hand trying to pull him back, but he ignored it. He was mad, no furious, in that second Malfoy was the reason he didnt have Sirius. "Deatheater Scum" he snarled pushing closer to the white haired boy,  
"mate" said Ron.  
He snapped back to reality, Draco looked shaken to say the least but bristling with anger.  
Harry stormed away to the train. His friends jogging to catch up.

***

"mate"  
"harry?"  
A hand shakes his shoulder.  
"Mate"  
..  
"i know, i shouldn't have" replied Harry once he'd finally gotten his breathing under control.  
"nah, i was gonna say it was bloody brilliant" grinned Ron just as Hermione replied "no, you shouldn't have". Harry relaxed again as Hermione turned to yell at her boyfriend about ethics, this is what i missed thought Harry as he wandered over to a familiar pair.  
"Hi Gin, Hi Luna, What's up?"  
"I was just telling Ginny she had the perfect bone structure to avoid nargles" murmured Luna with a wane smile.  
"oh, um, cool" said Harry bemused as, Ginny blushed red to her roots, "thanks Luna" she squeaked. They looked at each other and Ginny gave Luna a half smile, they both blushed and looked away. Harry suddenly felt awkward and headed over to Neville who was holding what looked like a large sunflower, and struggling. Harry took it from him and gave it a sniff.  
He should have known if Neville had it, that it was something weird.

***

"I'm so sorry Harry"  
"Run me through the side effects one more time"  
Harry, Ron, Hermione, Luna, Ginny and Neville were all squashed into a carriage in the Hogwarts express.  
"just nausea, headaches and tiredness" said Neville. "oh and you're compelled to tell the truth"  
"great, just great" sighed Harry who's day had already been going pretty shockingly. Which led to another round of apologies from Neville and a reassurance from Harry that he wasn't angry with him.  
Harry could feel the nausea setting in and decided that he'd sleep it off on the journey to Hogwarts.  
When he next awoke it was dark and a hand was shaking him awake.  
"We're nearly here". it was Hermione, "you need to change into your robes." Harry obliged and packed away the rest of his belongings. As they filed out of the train and onto the platform Harry saw the tall skeletal horses leading the carriages which previously drew themselves, he gasped and Luna took his arm "Its quite alright Harry, you're just as sane as I am" Harry thought this was meant to be comforting but suddenly felt remarkably alienated from the others who had already climbed into the carriage uncaring and were now looking back expectantly. He was struck the strange fleeting notion of the magnitude of differences Sirius had made on Harrys life. Would it have been better to never get to know him at all? He pushed that idea down as quick as it had come. He wouldn't have traded his time with Sirius for anything in the world. "Harry can see the thestrals" said Luna guiding Harry towards the steps. Hermione's face fell but the others still looked confused.  
"Why can't we?" asked Ginny.  
"you have to have seen a death" said Luna gently.  
The others blanched and turned away. But Ron ever full of tact pressed on.  
"What do they look like Harry?" Hermione shot Ron a glare that he chose to ignore, Ron was looking expectantly at him. Harry realised that Neville and Ginny where looking at him too.  
"Like death" said Harry  
And no-one spoke till the carriage reached the castle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 2 up. Feel free to leave any suggestions in the comments. I'm looking forward to adding some extra angst in the next few chapters, maybe work on Ginny and Luna more. Any ideas on how they get together?


	3. Smirks and smiles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry pours water on his friend and runs away from the truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters do not belong to me nor does the Potter franchise

As they filed into the bustling great hall, Harry spotted the small group of first years near the front table ready to be sorted, looking thoroughly terrified by the hordes of older students in their black swirling capes. He remembered walking into the Great Hall for the first time, gazing upwards to the stormy ceiling lit by thousands of floating candles, tables full of people like him. Finally like him. He wasn't different. He wasn't wrong. He could just be.  
Then hundreds of pairs of eyes found him amongst the throng of first years turned towards him, seeking him out. Staring. Then the whispering started.  
"Is that him?"  
"scrawny lad"  
"move, I cant get a good luck"  
"I can't see the scar, does he really have it?"  
His heart froze, fighting tears he lifted his head to meet their stares. He'd been wrong. It was obvious he was oh so different to his peers. Only Ron had treated him like he was normal. He'd never fit in. His uncle was right, he was such a freak.  
"Harry mate" interjected Ron and Harry was drawn back to the present, as the last of the first years were sorted, and Dumbledore began his yearly speech. 

***

"Pass the potatoes" said Dean as they tucked into the mountains of food stacked on the table. Harry obliged and inquired about his summer. He was about to reply when a loud 'Bang' interrupted their conversation and made an already jumpy Harry startle so much that he dropped the rest of his ice cream over the rather unlucky Neville sitting next to him. Seamus looked up over his pate apologetically as the remains of his dinner smoked. "Really Seamus" began Hermione, but she was quickly interrupted by the already smouldering boy's hat catching fire. Hermione seemed to let it go as she watched a frantic Seamus attempt unsuccessfully to dowse the flame. They were attracting attention from the other house tables by this point. Hufflepuff looked mildly concerned, and some of the Ravenclaws seemed on the verge of stepping in , but it was the Slytherins as usual that caught his attention. Smirking and sniggering they watched with glee at the chaos unfold at the Gryffindor table. Harry suddenly found himself looking directly into the eyes of an unsmiling Malfoy.  
Without looking away he grabbed the nearest goblet and hurling the contents at the still on fire Seamus, if harry had looked more carefully he might have noticed the contents and chosen another. As it was, Seamus stood bedraggled and soggy, but not on fire, dripping sticky pumpkin juice down his hat and running down the bridge of his nose. If he hadn't known better Harry thought he might have seen the smallest of smiles playing across the edges of Malfoys lips, and the slightest softening in his normally steel eyes.  
He looked away, sitting down with the strangest of feelings. A smiling Malfoy didn't really make sense.  
Just then he caught Snape's eye up at the Front table, mixed feelings rushed into Harry pushing Malfoy from his mind. Snape had passed along his message about the order which had ultimately led to the loss of Sirius. Harry wondered if Snape had felt any loss at that, or was it just his childhood bully finally gone and could be put from his mind. Sirius had been the best person in the world to Harry, but was that only because of the freedom he offered from the Dursleys. He pushed that firmly from his mind, and focused instead on the pile of mash potato on his plate.  
He couldn't eat too quickly or too much the first week or so of term as he had to allow for his stomach to get used to healthy sized portions again.  
He'd realised this problem when in bed after the feast in first year he'd had to dash to the bathroom to empty the contents of his stomach down the toilet. Harry and taken food for the next week carefully, slowly increasing the amount till he ate a sizeable amount although still noticeably less than Ron. He'd also managed to brush away his friends concern from the incident placating them with a fading stomach bug, which hadn't been hard to fake for a few days.

***

On the way out of the Great Hall Harry was so focused on keeping his head down to avoid the admiring glances and whispers sent his way by the lower years, that he didn't notice Malfoy lounging against a window till he ran smack bang into him. Harry's eyes watered in pain as Malfoy smacked into his bruised ribs.  
"Prat" he spat all traces of a smile gone, "I thought those ridiculous glasses were meant to help you see, not hinder."  
Harry didn't reply, the pain in his ribs was so acute that he was struggling to suck in breaths.  
Malfoy finally seemed to realise something was amiss when still doubled at the waist, Harry managed a wheezed "shove off Malfoy".  
"what's wrong with you Potter, trip over your ego?"  
"my uncle" Harry blurted before reeling back in shock that was mirrored briefly on the others face. Harry remembered too late the warning Neville had given him about the side effects of the plant. "truth telling" being one that had obviously slipped his mind.  
Malfoy opened his mouth again but Harry was not ready to let anything else slip tonight.  
Mortified he span on his heels and fled cape swirling around his feet as he scrambled round the corner and out of sight leaving a very confused Slytherin behind him.

***

Much later after several rounds of Wizards chess, Harry closed his eyes his head hitting the familiar dormitory pillow. Sleep didn't come easily that night but when he did finally drift of to sleep his dreams were plagued with not the veil this time but pale faces smiling warmly and then covered in shock morphing to horror. Harry awoke sweating and and unsure quite why his dreams had disturbed him so much. He walked over to the tower window and peered at the dark foggy grounds below. This sight had always comforted his, the remoteness of it, the peace. He tried hard to remember why his dreams had scared him so much. Something to do with Malfoy? He snorted to himself, he was pretty scary. He sat there a little longer and the climbed back into bed. He slept dreamlessly till Ron shook him awake in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 up. Any suggestions?


	4. In the cupboard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Harry does the brave thing and runs away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: None of the characters or potter franchise belong to me, I'm just using them for fun.

Transfiguration the next morning dragged on as they worked on a spell to turn a quill into a frog. Hermione's frog had been hopping around the desk for the last ten minutes, croaking quietly, Harry's on the other hand was looking distinctly grey and seemed to be having trouble with its new existence as a frog as for the last 5 minutes it had been lying dead still on the desk even when Harry had gingerly given it a poke with his wand.

The only sign it gave to being alive was the slow rise an fall of its chest and the occasional blink. Ron was having trouble. Despite Hermione's best efforts to help him, his frog only had 3 legs and looked distinctly feathery. Harry was having a hard time holding back his laughter looking a the amount of concentration on Ron's face. He eventually cracked after Ron's frog fell of the desk with a splat. Harry burst out laughing and Ron glared elbowing him in the ribs. Harry nearly screamed in pain as he felt his ribs shift. He was going to have serious problems walking for a while. " _oi mate, at least mine is green_ " he chuckled. And with that they both burst out laughing again, " _honestly, boys_ " huffed Hermione as she watched the two of them scuffle over the seriously mauled frogs.

***

On the way to potions next lesson, Harry was so focused on waking without sobbing in pain he didn't catch sight of Malfoy heading their way until he was only a few yards away. He shoved Ron and Hermione down the nearest corridor to their left ignoring their surprise. " _What was that_?" " _Potions is the other way_ " " _I just cant be bothered to deal with Malfoy today_ " started Harry, " _he's been getting on my nerves. "And don't you think its weird anyway that he was heading in the same direction as us. He was probably up to something_." Hermione frowned, " _Don't you think you're being the slightest bit paranoid about this Harry_ ,?" she asked, " _and we have potions with the Slytherins next so he was probably going there._ Harry coloured. Ron sensing Harry's embarrassment interjected kindly " _He could still be up to something the slimy git_." As Harry limped down the corridor, Hermione fixed him with a piercing gaze. " _what's wrong with your leg Harry_?" " _oh nothing, just banged it_ " said Harry through gritted teeth.

***

If Harry had any lasting hopes that Snape could possibly have been a little fairer on the Gryffindors now that they knew he was a spy for the order, these hopes were soon dashed. By the time that the long two hours of double potions had finally come to an end, the Gryffindors had lost 40 points, Neville had been scolded so badly he was shaking and Harry was about to collapse from all the standing up. He thought that some of the fumes from his potion might be getting to his head as it was throbbing rather painfully. Just then Snape rapped on the blackboard with his wand to announce the end of the lesson. Harry had been so wrapped up in his thoughts that the sudden loud noise took him by surprise and he jumped, he had to bite his lip to stop him from screaming as his torso felt s though it had been set alight. He clutched at the worktop as spots danced across his vision, and only caught the end of Snape's sentence. " _.. Potter, Malfoy stay behind to clear up the desks_ ".

With that he swept out the room his cloak billowing behind him. " _gee, I wonder what Malfoy did to get on his bad side_ " muttered Ron. Harry could only shrug as his friends packed up their bags and headed for the great hall for lunch. " _We'll save you some treacle tart_ " promised Hermione.

***

Harry gathered up the scattered ingredients from the benches as he kept his eyes firmly away from the blonde across the room. Piling his arms high with newt eyes, slug innards, mugswart, bezoars, lemongrass and mandrake roots he headed for the supply cupboard doors, he figured this would put some distance between him and Malfoy.

He was just sorting the lemongrass from the mandrake roots when he caught sight of his reflection in the shine on an urn containing lacewing flies. His jumper was darkened and his skin white and sweaty. He reached his hand up to the jumper and his hand came away red. He cursed, his mind racing. He could uhh, leave now and head to the bathrooms. Maybe he could wash the jumper and use his shirt as a makeshift bandage. wait, he was a wizard. Just as he was about to cast a cleaning spell on his uniform the door swung shut behind him.

Malfoy was standing by the door a forgotten glass beaker in his hand as he stared at Harry. " _Merlin Potter, i though those muggles worshipped you._ " he said. " _Evidently not_ " replied Harry limping to the door, " _Get out my way." "You need to see Madam Pomfrey Potter" "Get out of my way"_ Harry said again, the last thing he needed was Madam Pomfrey asking difficult questions. " _Give me one reason why I shouldn't drag you there now_ " came the reply, " _I doubt you'd put up much of a fight_ ". Harry bristled, why did Malfoy even care, shouldn't he be celebrating right now. Malfoy seemed to read his mind. But seemed to be reassuring himself rather than Harry with his next words. " _I don't care Potter, but can you imagine what Dumbledore would do if he found me with the dead chosen one?_ " Harrys world began to spin, he'd lost a lot of blood and the pain was impeding his vision, he couldn't move he tried in vain to take a step towards the door but to his horror his vision was tunnelling. " _Don't.. No Pomfrey_ " he managed to get out before he fell, his last sight a blonde boy leaning over him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4 up. what do you think?


	5. Confontations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry wakes up and panics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: again none of the characters in the franchise belong to me I'm just playing with them. They belong to J.K.Rowling.

Harry groaned, his head was thumping painfully as his eyes opened slightly, squinting in the bright light. He hadn't slept that well in ages though, and he'd been having a very nice dream about some tracle tart which seemed to never get small no matter what Harry ate.

He remembered in a flash walking into the potions cupboard and Malfoy following him in, cornering him and then..

Nothing.

He couldn't remember anything after that.

Why couldn't he remember.

Come to think of it, where was he?

Suddenly terrified Harry shot up in bed, immediately regretting that fact as he felt a searing pain down his ribs. He blinked blearily around at the room, it was so blurry and dark he could barely see anything at all. He scrambled around the floor feeling for his glasses. Someone cleared their throat behind him. Harry jumped.

"You know Potter, without your glasses you'd put up about as much of a fight as wobbly deer" came the distinct drawl of Draco Malfoy.

"Give me glasses back" he shot back not ready to admit how true that was.

"Why hasn't your magical guardian fixed your eyes Potter? Come to think of that, who is it now Black has gone?"

Harry stood up so quickly he felt his head go fuzzy and his knees nearly buckle. Malfoy only just managed to catch him and prop him in a nearby chair.

"Easy Potter, for once I didn’t mean anything by that. Just curious. Is it that werewolf?"

Harry felt his anger return and tried to stand back up. Malfoy quickly put up his hands in mock surrender, “again didn’t mean anything by it.”

Harry tried to answer but his mouth was too dry and he was still winded from just standing up. As if reading his thoughts a glass of water was held out to him. He took it and took a few cautious sips.

“really potter, if I’d wanted to murder you, don’t you think I’d have had plenty of opportunity by now” smirked the other boy.

***

“He’s not writing back” Harry admitted, “I think he blames me”

“who Lupin?” Harry nodded. “What a prat”

“Theres plenty of people to blame Potter, believe me I know them all.”

“its still my fault though” started Harry but was interrupted again, “no Potter don’t be an idiot, not everything revolves around you, and I think as I am your enemy I can say with pretty much certainty, not even an enemy could justify that being your fault.”

Harry was a little tongue tied but managed to get out “You’re not my enemy Malfoy, you’re just someone I don’t like very much.”

Malfoy even managed to laugh at that, “well don’t I feel special, now can you sit up, I think I need to change your bandages.”

Harry was confused but peaked down the front of his shirt, sure enough his ribs and torso were neatly wrapped in white cloth bandages. He started to open his mouth in alarm.

“Don’t worry” Malfoy said “ I didn’t take you Pomfrey, I took you to Professor Snape.” Harry wasn’t sure what was worse, he realised to late the tell tale signs of a Slytherin teachers quarters around him. A green table and chair, a low sofa and armchair and several doors leading to a small bedroom and bathroom and a kitchen.

A voice cut through his pondering, “where exactly was I supposed to take you since you’d practically begged me not to take you to Pomfrey, before you passed out on me. You may be freakishly light Potter but theres a limited distance I can carry you before someone sees. Do you really think they’d believe I was actually trying to help you.?”

Harry blinked he supposed that was fair but still Snape.

“Why did you help me Malfoy” he asked?

“yes, that’s exactly the sort of question that I’d like to know the answer to” said a cold voice. Harry spun, Snape was standing in the doorway his arms folded across his robes. “I’d like to know the answers to a few other too, like for instance:”

“Why did Draco turn up with a half dead golden boy?”

“Why didn’t he take him to Madam Pomfrey?”

“Why was he in a worse condition than ive seen on one of my students in years?”

“And probably the most important of all, why does he show signs of years of neglect and abuse including many years of malnutrition?”

Harry gulped. Then a sudden thought hit him, “how long have I been asleep?”

“nearly two days” replied Malfoy.

Oh this was not good thought Harry, he was beginning to panic, he could feel it getting harder and harder to breathe properly, he tried desperately to stand up but arms held him down. In the distance he thought he could hear a faint voice ordering him to calm down and breathe but Harry was far too gone. He didn’t understand how things could have gone so wrong. Yesterday or he supposed three days ago in reality he was sure that this year would pick up. Now people knew about him, knew he was a freak.

***

Malfoy watched as Professor Snape all but shouted at Potter to snap out of it and breathe. A few days ago he thought that Potter had been a self centred Gryffindor pampered by his relatives never wanting for anything. Looking at the shaking damaged boy before him Draco couldn’t see any hint of that illusion his mind had conjured up of Harry, or whether there had ever been any evidence of that boy at all.

Harry’s vision was fading he couldn’t get enough air into his lungs, he imagined that he looked quite pathetic to the others as his eyes rolled back and his vision went black.

Although he thought he faintly heard a voice chide another, “Did you really have to ask so many questions Sev, you know we thought he’d be delicate at best when he woke up. Was confronting him really the smartest move?”

Then he faded away into swirling nothingness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 5 up, this one took a while what do you think?


	6. Creeping in the dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry tries hard to return to the common room

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Again none of this is mine, all of it except this plot belongs to J.K.Rowling

When Harry next awoke he lay perfectly still, trying desperately to listen out for anyone else in the room. He strained his ears and thought he could hear some hushed whispering in the next room, it sounded tense and Harry wondered if they were arguing. He shuffled a little noticing he was back in the makeshift bed on the floor, his ribs had been rewrapped and his headache had lessened to a dull throb. Perhaps if he could just make it to the door he’d be back to the Gryffindor common room without delay and maybe they could all just forget the events of the last couple of days. Harry’s hopes were lifting, he could spin some story about tipping a couple of unknown vials from the potions cupboard over his head and pretend he had just woken up with no memory of the last few days. 

He’d just about made up his mind to try and quietly creep out the door when he heard footsteps entering the room.

“ This is madness” he heard muttered. “ You can’t be serious, Potter won’t talk to me, let alone give a confession of abuse. For Merlin’s sake Sev, I don’t even like him, have you missed the last 5 years of us hating each others guts”. By this point Harry was reeling from Draco’s words.  
“Have a bit of care Draco, and lower your voice, unless you want him to wake up. Besides I have every faith you can bring him round, I got you to go to court didn’t I? You can relate to him Draco, you didn’t have the best if upbringings yourself. You need to get a solid confession if your plan to get him away from those muggles us to work”.   
Harry assumed this to be Snape.

“ I don’t care about him sev I don’t, I just need him to be in safe hands so he doesn’t die before I can get him to the dark lord”. Draco again.  
“Course you don’t” said Snape levelly, but Harry thought he could detect the slightest hint of mocking in his tone. “You’ve never been obsessed with him at all”.   
The voices were fading as they walked to the next room.  
“fuck off Sev”

***  
Harry lay there for what seemed like hours before he thought the coast was clear. He tried to count the seconds to pass the time but he lost count. 

Eventually he seemed it safe and quietly he crept to the door and slipped through, Harry found himself deep in the dungeons of Hogwarts. ‘great, just great’ he thought to himself. He was in thin Slytherin pjamas, no socks and he’d only just remembered to grab his glasses and wand on the way out.

In the dark corridors and passageways he crept silently as possible. He tried hard to wind his way gradually upwards, but after what felt like several hours even he had to admit to himself he just had no idea where he was.  
Just then he heard rushing footsteps and he kept behind a nearby suit of armour.   
Malfoy came rushing round the corner muttering to himself, “typical stupid Potter, maybe he went back to the Gryffindor common room” he rushed up some steps and dissapeared out of sight.  
Harry thought this could be his only chance. He tiptoed up the stairs after Malfoy, hanging back as he kept his distance.  
Once they got close to the common room and Harry recognised his surroundings he dropped back and let Malfoy double back and return to the Dungeons before muttering the password and slipping into the warmth of the common room.

***

He found Ron and Hermione sitting in the common room by the fire. 

They jumped up when they saw him, a pile of books falling from Hermione’s hands and tumbling across the floor. 

“where have you been?” cried Hermione.

“we were so worried mate, word was that you were injured in the potions cupboard” exclamated Ron. 

“Yeah” said Harry, “ tipped a load of potions over my self and woke up a few days later in the hospital wing, Madam Pomfret has only just let me go. She said I was lucky.” Harry didn’t know where this lie came from but it seemed to placate his friends as they smiled a little.

They all piled into bed and Harry Harry didn’t have to try hard at all to slip into a deep dreamless sleep.

***

When he woke the next morning he moved in a dreamlike manner. Dressing in his uniform, brushing his teeth, packiny his schoolbag and heading down to breakfast. In front of a crowd Malfoy couldn’t do anything he told himself but he still expected some kind of glare or recognition of last night’s events. Instead he got nothing, Malfoy didn’t even glance his way.

Harry went about his day normally but guarded making sure he was never too far from Ron and Hermione or a crowd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 6 up what do you think?


	7. The irony of discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry finds new things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own J.K.Rowling's characters or franchise, only my plot

Even after a few days Harry still felt uneasy about walking around without the company of his friends.  
The long corridors of Hogwarts had never felt so alien and unnerving to him before, They twisted and wound around long spires he hadn’t seen before his home felt scary.  
He told himself to snap out of it, what was he thinking draco and Snape clearly hadn't told anyone and weren’t going to, he was in the clear as long as he avoided them. However as many times as he told himself this his heart still pound whenever he was left alone.  
He knew running Hermione wanted some time alone but they were clearly trying to put up with him.  
Eventually he took the hint and left them alone in the Gryffindor common room for a walk around passageways. He figured he would use the marauders map to checkout some of the new secret passageways.

***

After he opened the map he caught sight of a new passageway that he hadn’t seen before straight from The top of the Hufflepuff Spire to the Chamber of secrets except it didn’t quite. It seemed to consist of a long winding staircase hidden in the walls of the old Castle which went straight deep down under the Lake very near to where the Chamber of secrets was.  
Harry wondered with excitement whether the marauders had explored it as he checked the map again he saw a little handwritten note by the entrance, all it said was “locked.” He realised he probably had to be a parseltongue in order to get in since he was pretty sure none of them are old as well he wondered whether it had ever been explore since Salazar was there.  
Feeling more excitement than he’d had in months he quickly ascended the steps to the Hufflepuff tower. Creeping along the top passage so as not to be heard, Harry swept his eyes along the stone floor searching the imprint of the snake. After 5 minutes of searching he eventually found tiny curled snake over the base of a lantern hanging from stone wall, He tried hissing to it but to his frustration he realised was just hissing normally and not in fact in parseltongue.  
He tried again this time thinking clearly of the words he wanted “open for I am the heir of Slytherin.”  
Thinking of the irony he chuckled a few years ago he'd been vehemently telling people it wasn't him but now in order to gain access chamber he had to pretend he was.  
Something clicked inside the wall and thin narrow passageway start descending into the darkness opened up before him. Taking a deep breath he quickly descended downstairs igniting his wand with the spell “Lumos”, as the passageway closed behind him he was glad he’d done this as he was lunged into pitch black.

***

The dissent seemed to take hours butt in reality it was only about 10 minutes.  
After a long while he stopped, entering what could only seem to be Salazar slytherin's private quarters.  
He looked around him as torches ignited on his left and right, A common room not unlike one he just left was laid out before him, Except in salazar’s colours green and silver. He actually seemed quite cosy judging from the roaring fire in the grate and walls covered in leather bound books.  
“Hermione would have field day with even one of those books” thought Harry “they must have been very old.” He ran his fingers along the spine of and it came away covered in dust, “yeah, he thought I’m the first one here in a very long time.”  
The room had a peaceful air and Harry found himself involuntarily relaxing, Even the snakes didn’t seem to freak him out as much as they should have done. He put picked up one of the more promising books and settled into a velvet armchair by the fire. It was a potions book full of dark and cruel recipes, for torture or death. “snape would kill for that” he thought carefully replacing it and picking another. This one was much more promising and offered the actual original blueprints of Salazar’s rooms.  
“BrillIant” thought Harry, as he started to copy them into the marauders map. It took a very long time because Salazar’s private rooms seemed to be massive, spreading out under much of the Hogwarts grounds.  
He was so absorbed in his task that time seemed to fly by and slip away from him. Eventually the pangs of hunger seemed to rouse him from the map. Checking his watch and realising he was very late to lunch made him panic dash to the Hufflepuff tower, surprising several students by seemingly appearing out if nowhere completely out of breath.  
Racing into the Great hall eventually, he attracted a lot of attention. Ron pulled him down into his seat, “Where have you been?” he muttered, “its nearly the end of lunch.”  
“Lost track of the time” replied Harry ignoring Ron’s suspicious glance, he couldn’t very well announce where he’d been to them in the middle of the Great Hall with everyone else listening.  
“I’ll tell you later guys” he muttered to them. Then as he looked up, he saw Malfoy staring at him for the first time in days, he caught his glance and held it till Malfoy ducked his head looking away. Harry even thought he might have blushed. 

***

Much later as Harry recounted his day to Ron and Hermione around the fire in the Gryffindor common room he began to feel a whole lot better about the Malfoy situation. He had good friends, and they weren’t going to let anything happen to him.  
As he finished his tale, Ron asked predictably “so we’ll go back tonight right Harry?”.  
Before he could answer, Hermione cut right over the top of him. “ of course we won’t, we’re 6th years now, we can’t get caught after lights out.”.  
Harry agreed allthough not because he was afraid of being caught, he felt a sudden protectiveness over the room. It was his, and he needed it to get away from it all.  
Ron looked a little put out but couldn’t really disagree with his girlfriend for too long.

***

As Harry lay awake later his thoughts turned to Sirius and then Lupin.  
Professor Lupin hadn’t been answering Harry’s letters. When Sirius had fallen through the veil Harry had expected Lupin to stay in contact with him, he thought they would need each other to deal with this gaping loss in their lives. However Lupin hadn’t been answering his owls and Harry had drawn three possible conclusions as to why.  
1\. His owls hadn’t been reaching him. (Harry thought this unlikely as he trusted Hedwig with his life, she wouldn’t have returned until it was delivered properly.)  
2\. Lupin just didn’t need Harry and found him bothersome and annoying. (He thought this one unlikely too, as Remus had always been kind and seemed to enjoy his company)  
Which left 3,  
3\. He blamed Harry for Sirius’s death.

That one hurt the most and unfortunately Harry suspected it to be the most likely reason.  
Harry tossed and turned that night guilt and sadness and blonde hair creeping into every dream he had.  
.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 7 up, what do you think?


	8. Discoveries and distractions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry contemplates and tries not to feel too sorry for himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: still not my characters or franchise, just borrowing them from J.K.Rowling for this plot

Harry watched the tawny owl fly past the stone window of the owlery.  
A few weeks had passed since he had discovered the secret Chamber of Salazar Slytherin, with Ron and Hermione otherwise busy with themselves he had taken to spending a lot of his free time down there. Part of him knew it wasn't wise however it was peaceful down there and there is no chance of running into Malfoy or Snape.  
He had gradually been making his way through the extensive library down in the chamber, Admittedly some chapters of certain books was so dark that Harry had to skip straight over them altogether, however some of the books have been very interesting and shed light on how the foundations of magic itself worked. Harry felt bad he had acquired all of this knowledge and wasn’t sharing it with Hermione they would have given anything to know it however he wanted to keep some things to himself.  
He’d even begun taking books out of the chamber to read in his dormitory, a particular book which he had brought up to the owlery today was fascinating him. It’s contained the seemingly impossible powers that the original heirs of Hogwarts had had. It seemed that they and their descendants all had specific powers that didn't seem to be taught inin his history of magic classes. Harry wondered what did they been kept out of the curriculum on purpose or if the the knowledge had just been lost.  
Skim reading the chapters on helga and Rowena Harry glanced into the godric section.  
“Godric Gryffindor was said to have powers of old, influencing the weather with his often explosive emotions, he could weild thunder and lightning, for all to see. Tales of his storms spread becoming well known to the Wizards and Witches of Great Britain. “  
Harry thought these were cool powers indeed and imagined himself wielding lightning. It struck him however the scrawny figure such as himself would most likely incite laughter and mockery instead of fear and appreciation.  
He turned instead to the Salazar Slytherin wondering if there was a possibility because he could open the Chamber of Salazar, potentially when Voldemort had hit him with that curse so many years ago he’d taken a bit of Voldemort into himself and could be counted as an heir himself. His spirits rising in what seemed like the first time in weeks he flipped through the pages till he reached the right section.  
“Salazar Slytherin was most well known for his ability to communicate with serpents influencing their actions with his voice. However he had a lesser known talent also....”  
Just as Harry turned the page to discover this talent, the door banged open and Ginny came running in.  
“I thought you might be here “ she said breathlessly. “i need your advice on Luna”.  
Harry smiled, “ and you thought you’d ask me, with my great knowledge of women.”  
“shut up you” smirked Ginny, “ you might be gay but you still know Luna more than I do.”  
Ginny was one of the only people besides Ron and Hermione who knew this about Harry, He’d admitted to it when Ginny had once asked him to attend a party with him, seeing no other way to project her without hurting her feelings he told her that he preferred men. Ginny had left with a strange look on her face and when she returned a couple of days later she’d mentioned that she thought she could be bi, but it had never come across her mind because she had never had a reason to think about it before.  
Harry thought about it.  
“Just be yourself Ginny, Luna will know if your not ,she always manages to know everything that I’m thinking and besides she seems to like you well enough without you changing anything.” He smiled, and she blushed a dark red.  
“Ok Harry” she turned to go back down the stone steps but paused in the doorway. “You tell me if you liked anyone wouldn’t you? She asked.  
“ Of course” said Harry shoving any thoughts of blonde hair deep into the back of his mind. He didn’t like Malfoy, and Malfoy really didn’t like him.

Forgetting his book on ancient magic he turned to see an owl fly through one of the small windows and drop a sizable piece of parchment into his lap. Harry settled the owl down in some hay, it looked exhausted from its long journey and could really do with retirement. The owl was getting very old He unfolded a piece of parchment that was addressed to him and folded away the piece of parchment that was addressed to run into his robe pocket. It contained a letter from Mrs weasley she hoped he'd been doing as well as could be and was wondering if he was planning on coming back to the Burrow for Christmas. It also contained a worried line asking if he had heard from Remus, apparently wasn't answering any owls.

At that news Harry wasn’t sure if he felt more relieved that remus wasn’t answering any owls and not specifically is or More worried that remus wasn’t answering any owls at all. He thought he’d write a quick note back to Mrs Weasley before he forgot. 

He’d love to come back to the Burrow and he was doing just fine at Hogwarts this term ( a blatant lie but he didn’t want her to worry). He mentioned he hadn’t heard from Remus either but promised to keep trying.

Gathering his books and parchment and quills into his back he left the and descended quickly down the stone steps. Harry checked his watch and saw yet again he was late for lunch. He slipped into the Great Hall and took a seat between Ron and Hermione, who gave him worried glances but otherwise said nothing.  
Harry was glad for the unusual lack of questions, he didn’t feel like explaining himself to others, he’d done enough of that over the last few years. 

He was still in time for treacle tart and helped himself to a huge serving, noticing fondly the scorch marks which had already appeared around Seamus’s plate and belongings. 

“Another accident?” he joked through a mouthful of tart.  
“shove off Harry” came the reply from the grinning boy.  
Soon dinner was over and they all headed up to the common room to relax.  
Hermione curled up with a book, Seamus and Dean huddled in the corner with hushed voices and a large sheet of paper, their heads bent over it. Harry took a mental note to avoid them for the next couple of days, their pranks could only have been outdone by the twins.  
He and Ron had set up a chess board by the fire and Harry was losing spectacularly. He grimaced as another if his pawns was smashed to smithereens and Ron laughed.  
Harry relaxed a little, his heart melting just a little bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 8 up, sorry it took a while I had mocks. What do you guys think?


	9. Unforgivable intent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry tries to work out the past when practicing magic in the chamber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: still not my characters or fandom, they belong to J.K.Rowling.

Harry wiped the sleeve of his robe across his forehead and picked up his wand again. Ready to recast the incantation, he’d been here for several hours and so far he had achieved nothing except for the pull in his gut indicating something could happen if he got this right. He wasn’t sure what he was doing wrong, he said the spell clearly and correctly accompanied by the correct wand movements, but still nothing. 

He was back in the chamber, and practising some spells he found in one of the old manuscripts in the library Bulls. Harry wasn’t sure what spell did you it didn't have any annotations in the book. But since he’d never heard it before so he figured it did something Interesting. That’s what he told himself however he knew that really he was just hiding from Ron and Hermione. They were being all gooey over each other at lunch and there was only so many sympathetic smiles from Ginny that would help before he’d made up some excuse about a stomach ache and practically dashed to the door. 

He’d wandered around aimlessly for a long time before inevitably making his way down into the chamber below the school to avoid the outright stares he still got from the kids in the younger years. Before eventually taking the familiar passageway sloping under the school to the series of connecting rooms reserved for Salazar Slytherin and his heirs.

Harry sighed and cast the spell again. 

“exhibo magicae”.

The familiar twinge in his gut again but no signs of magic around him. He sighed and tossed down his wand again. Slumping into an armchair by the fire, he pulled his knees up beside him and closed his eyes. He felt the heat from the fire wash over him and his shoulders dropped. Harry wondered vaguely if he’d be able to close his eyes again without seeing the inevitable slow fall through the shaded veil. He remembered the cold shock that should have sprung him into action washing over him, but instead it encased his arms like manacles slowing him down as Sirius seemed to drift away in front of him.

It was only when he’d caught sight of Bellatrix slipping away that he’d realised, there were physical restraints on him too. Professor lupins arms wrapped around his waist stopping him from plunging head first into the veil after him. He’d realised he had his mouth open and the dim hoarse screams he could hear over the rushing in his ears were his. 

He’d pulled himself out of Professor Lupins arms and followed Bellatrix throught the twisting corridors of the ministry as fast as he could.

He could remember the boiling rage filling him up from the inside, the loss hadn't hit him yet all he could feel was anger towards this witch that it just killed his only guardian. 

He’d cost and unforgivable that night, You needed real power and motivation to do that. At the thought of Bellatrix he felt grief rise up in him like a wave, But he pushed it down trying to remember what the feeling of an unforgivable was. In that moment he felt nothing just pure cold instinct and drive towards his goal.

Harry blinked and opened his eyes, maybe all you needed for a spell was intent not the wand movements not the words all they did was focus a goal in your mind. If he could cast an unforgivable he could master whatever this spelled did. 

Harry peeled himself off the couch and stretching out his fingers picked up his wand and face the wall opposite him. He tried to clear his mind it was ironic that he tried to do this now after a whole year of Snape teaching him occlumency. But without Snape breathing down the back of his neck and goading him he found his thoughts started to clear much quicker.He focused trying to draw an intent into the forefront of his mind, realised without knowing what the spell did he didn't know the intention. Walking over to the wall of books opposite him, he found a Latin dictionary and feeling as though Hermione would be proud of him roughly translated the words.  
“Exhibo” –-- ‘exhibit’  
Harry thought magic was probably too close to the second word to be a false friend and so just left that word as magic. Putting the words together Harry was pretty sure that the spell he was trying to do revealed the magic in the room.  
Once again picking up his wand and facing the wall Harry pictured all the magic in the room being shown to him, He repeated the words this time with a clear intent, and again felt the familiar pulling in his stomach,Stronger this time.  
He tried again and the same thing happened.  
And again.  
And again.  
He cursed and only by speaking did he think that maybe the words themselves got in the way.  
He cleared his mind closed his eyes and focused hard on the meaning of this spell imagining all the magic around him being clear.  
This time when he opened his eyes different colours were swirling around him coming from all the magical objects in the room spiralling over his head, round his feet, through bookcases and walls.  
But looking down he realised the brightest source of light in the room was himself, his arms were lit up with bright white light filling the air around him with sparkles which looked like moonbeams. he couldn't see any signs of the marks there, which he knew to be under the magic  
He let the spell go in his mind and watched as the room was once again lit only by firelight. His wand felt strange in his hand and he had a passing thought that maybe they were only used by Wizards to focus their magic and weren’t actually needed to produce the results of a spell.  
Unfortunately without the use of his wand he was exhausted from just one spell and sank back into the armchair where he curled up and fell into a long dreamless sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 9 up what do you think?


	10. Blue like ice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry is distracted from Quidditch and follows a certain someone into the woods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: not my characters and franchise, but the plot is all mine, the rest is J.K.Rowlings.

Three days later and Harry still hadn’t practiced his wandless magic. In fact he wasn’t the least but sure that it actually was possible in the first place, but as much as he concentrated and persuaded himself it was to better his theoretical magic knowledge for defence against the dark arts class. He was at some point going to have to admit that it was just a distraction. 

The non-verbal magic was coming on well though. After managing the magic revealing spell hed slowly been moving his focus to the easier spells in order to gradually expand through the more complex after his previous practices.

That was the idea anyway.

He’d been stuck on expelliarmus all of yesterday. No matter what Harry’s intent was, the wand stayed firmly in the hand of the stone statue Harry had dragged from the other room. Lost in his thoughts Harry didn’t see the snitch till it smashed into his forehead and having righted itself careened away from him once again. 

“Harry! Get your head in the game” yelled Ginny from below. They were in quidditch practice and had been for the last 45 minutes but Harry’s hard was firmly elsewhere no matter how hard he tried to focus on the game.

“I thought I was captain” called back Harry, blinking quickly and tightening his hands on his in his broom in an attempt to draw himself into the present.

“not when you slack off” came the cheery reply from somewhere to his left. 

***

The last 15 minutes of practice seemed to progress much better. The beaters were solid and reliable. Ginny was quite possibly the best on the team. The chasers were decent and worked well together. Harry himself managed to catch the snitch whilst also overseeing the other players and Ron, well. He was definitely improving.

***

As they headed to the changing room, Harry saw a flash of blonde hair disappear behind the Slytherin stands. Had he been watching them this whole time? Spying for the Slytherin team? Or maybe worse, spying for Snape or Voldemort! 

Feeling a ride of something Hermione might have labeled self righteous stupidity, but Harry chose to call anger, he strode towards the green and sliver stands at a hastened pace. Slipping his wand out of the sleeve of his robes he cast a silent “ exhibo magicae”. 

He’d found that whilst this spell had the main purpose of showing the magical aura of objects , you could also use it as a tracking spell as long as you werent too far behind your target, you could see their fading magical aura. He followed the stream of magic towards the forbidden forest quite forgetting that he was following his enemy, as the shimmering blue of Malfoys magic was really beautiful. The twisting ribbons of deep water spirralled around themselves as they wound through the trees.

Harry’s own magic was a deep shimmering purple twisting around itself through the air. He noticed some flecks of green speckled throughout. 

***

Stepping quietly through the pine needles covered the earthen floor, Harry hurried after Malfoy as he twisted through the dark trees in front of him. Keeping maybe 20 paces behind him Harry tried his best to stay out of Malfoys view, this however wasn't necessary as the white haired boy didn't once look behind him as he sped deep into the forbidden forest. They walked in this way but maybe 15 minutes before Harry suddenly recognised his surroundings. He’d come here with Luna a few weeks ago, and it was where hagrid kept the thestrals. 

As mathway headed to the glade, the thestrals looked up at him but he made no kind of reaction.

Malfoy was good to walk straight into the middle of a group of particularly large thestrals who liked the taste of raw meat. Harry dithered. To alert Malfoy of the danger would also alert him if Harry’s own presence, and why would be help him anyway. But to leave him could get the other boy seriously hurt or worse.   
Too caught up in his thoughts to notice how close Malfoy had gotten to the thestrals Harry was shocked out of his stupor by a short from the thestral closest and a tell from Malfoy and the horse teeter up catching his arm with a good leaving a thin scratch through his robes. Almost without thinking Harry’s wand was in his hand against in a split second and he cast a nonverbal “protego” around Malfoy so that the thestral bounced off the blue shield and cantered away.  
Malfoy spun around.  
“Potter” he exclaimed “what the hell?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is a little short I just thought that a cliffhanger was the right place to end it. What do you think?


	11. to punch or to heal that is the question

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry tries to get Malfoy to Madam Pomfrey without punching him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: everything except the plot belongs to J.K.Rowling

Malfoy spun around.  
“Potter” He exclaimed “What the hell?”  
Harry watched the shield fade and watched the blue barrier disintegrate and float away on the breeze, he was still staring at the last fragments disappearing behind a nearby pine tree, trying to come up with a reasonable explanation for why he had followed Malfoy from the quidditch pitch all the way to the middle of the forbidden forest, when Malfoy turned to him angrily, repeating the question.  
“Well uh, it's like this” began Harry, desperately playing for time, but Malfoy seeming to sense that he wasn’t going to get a straight answer from him cut straight over the top of him.   
“You just can’t stop snooping? Can you Potter” began Malfoy. Harry tried to interrupt here he didn’t always snoop but he supposed this time there may not be a reasonable explanation he could give the white haired boy other than ‘you looked suspicious’.   
But Malfoy kept going seemingly not even hearing Harry.  
“Why can't you just stay out of my business, you and your goody two shoes friends always sneaking after me pretending to do good just getting on my nerves.”   
Harry bristled at the insult to his friends but again Malfoy chose to ignore it. “How does it feel to have the teachers love you? when you are not even especially good at anything Potter? What do you mean bring to your friend group anyway Potter, you're not very bright. Unfortunately the job of village idiot was already been taken by weasel. And the only one of you with any brain is a Mudblood anyway.”  
At this Harry had to restrain himself from throwing curse at Malfoy at this point, barely containing the urge by picturing Malfoy’s face as he was struck by the thestrals, reminding himself that Malfoy was already hurt. Which was just enough to stop him from punching the git.  
Instead he replied through gritted teeth, “You want to talk about friend groups, who are they again? Oh yes. two children of renowned Deatheaters, following quickly in their fathers footsteps, And you're much better are you? because from what I've seen you’re a coward and a bully, just like your father.”  
“Don't talk about my father” Malfoy snarled.  
“and why not?” said Harry taking a step towards him,  
“You know it's true, he was on Voldemort’s side before he fell, but he made no attempt to bring him back. Out of fear. there's one thing I can't stand more than a Deatheater and that is a cowardly one.”  
“I said don't talk about my father” said Malfoy again, but this time the bite was gone from his voice.  
Harry backed off, he hadn’t come here for a fight, but then again, why had he followed him. As he looked back towards the other boy he noticed red blooming across his shirt. feeling distinctly worried but not quite sure why, Harry said “here, let me look at it.”  
“Why? so you can finish the job? I don't think so.” Said Malfoy, and for the first time Harry saw fear in his eyes. As he processed what Malfoy had said he realised that having not seen the Thestrals, he’d come to the conclusion that Harry had followed him all the way out here and cursed him. Admittedly he could see why Malfoy had lashed out at him verbally. Feeling as if she should explain himself Harry admitted that it had actually been the thestrals.

***

It had taken good 10 minutes to convince the boy but eventually he had.   
“Some saviour complex you’ve got there Potter” spoke Malfoy eventually. “Can you see them though, and not me?”  
“you have to have seen death” replied Harry simply.  
For a long time neither of them spoke as Harry inspected the laceration left by the thestrals. Malfoy had a strange look in his eye and hadn’t even flinched when Harry prodded the wound.  
“Will need to take you to Madam Pomfrey” said Harry at last. As he helped Malfoy up and they began their long walk back towards the castle, Malfoy only nodded absentmindedly, his thoughts seemingly somewhere else.

***

They were most of the way up the long winding steps in the north tower leading to the infirmary when Malfoy turned to Harry and asked in a slow voice.   
“Potter I’ve gathered by now you over heard my conversation with professor Snape the other day, And I’ve been thinking a lot, and I haven’t found a single reason why you saved me from that thestral. No one would have blamed you, no one would even known you were even there at all.”

Harry paused on the steps of the tower and thought about what he’d just said. Malfoy had always been a constant in his life that he could class as solely evil. Not like Voldemort of course, but never as having any good intent Before now he had never even considered what it would be like to have a Deatheater as a father. Harry was sure that Lucius Malfoy wouldn't be an easy person to live with. Attempting to gather his thoughts into a coherent sentence he replied.  
“That wouldn’t be right Malfoy even for you. You’ve made mistakes but I think I’ve always judged you as being a much worse person then perhaps you actually are although don't get me wrong I don’t like you, you’re a dick to me and my friends. And you’re right I did overhear you talking to professor Snape, and I do know that the path you are on now leads you to Voldemort, but I also know that you’re 16 and your father is a bigger dick than you are.”  
Malfoy looked at him for a long time. Then quite suddenly he shoved Harry hard down the steps making him stumble. By the time he had righted himself he couldn’t see anything but the tail end of Malfoys cloak disappearing through the door of the infirmary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't think Draco would turn straight away so prepare for some angst. What do you think?


	12. Chasing spirits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry effectively chases Malfoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a while I wasn't sure how I wanted this chapter to fit in, it's sort of a filler with a drop of angst.

Harry paused a few moments continuing to stare at the space Malfoy had been seconds previously. He gave a small smile, Malfoy had hesitated for a few seconds before shoving him. Surely that showed in some level that he had thought about it. Harry wondered if he could with time really make a case for at least thinking about which side to be on.  
Waiting a few minutes he followed Malfoy up the stairs. He told himself he was just checking Malfoy wasn’t bleeding out over the stairs, after all Filch would have Harry’s head for the mess.  
He didn’t care if Malfoy had made it to the infirmiry. He was just watching his back.  
Obviously

***

“Honestly Harry, what are you thinking about?” exclaimed Hermione,” this is riddled with mistakes.  
Hermione was checking over Harry’s ancient history essay about the goblin uprising of 1854.  
“Lord rangar didn’t die horribly in a shoot out in a bank Harry, he worked in the bank and fed information to the goblins who worked there to provide information for the revolution.”.  
“your version is better though mate for sure” smirked Ron. Earning him a smack on the wrist from Harry’s scroll by Hermione.  
“Yours isn’t much better Ron” continued Hermione, “ I can count on one hand the number of facts that are true in this essay.”  
Ron ears turned a deep shade of red.  
“Relax Ronald” sighed Hermione “ill fix them” Ron sighed in relief and Harry had to turn away from the domestic scene.  
He headed out of the corridor intending to hear to the library on order to try and correct some of his essay.  
But as he stepped out of the portrait he crashed into something loud and ginger. As he detangled himself from Ginny. He had to concentrate as the speed at which words were coming from Ginny was remarkable. He managed to catch the tail end of the sentence though.  
“and Harry she asked me to go to Hogwarts next weekend but what do I do because how do I know if she’s asking me there as a friend or ... You know.”

Unfortunately Harry had just seen a glimpse of bleach blonde hair two staircases below.  
“um, not sure Ginny. Just roll with it” suggested Harry distractedly trying to push past her. But she barred his way. 

“Just listen Harry, I need your advice.”  
“Not now Ginny”  
But Harry, I need..”  
“Not now” Harry had finally succeeded in pushing past her and ignoring her annoyed protests he does after the receeding blonde hair.

As though knowing he was being followed Malfoy was moving fast, abnormally fast following the twists and turns of the maze that is the corridors of Hogwarts. Without realising they had ended up in one of the abandoned ballrooms of the east side of the castle. Any last hopes that Harry still had of being anonymous were soon dashed when Malfoy spun to face him and called,  
“Potter, I thought you were a Gryffindor?, I’m almost dissapointed.”  
Harry stepped out from behind a dark piano which had been pushed to the side of the room along with a music stand holding a faded book of sheet music by some witch named Adelaide Seleste.  
“Well Potter?”  
Harry paused. ‘i just wanted to know if you were ok from yesterday, did Madam Pomfrey uh fix you up” he said reaching desperately for words.  
“Since when would that be your business Potter?”  
There was a few seconds of silence and then begrudgingly a small voice said  
“yeah she did though so I’m fine.”.. “thanks”  
Harry was taken aback. “well great, I’ll just be leaving then” he muttered making for the door.  
“My father thought I should get lessons for my 6th birthday” Malfoy blurted out. “All respectable purebloods know how to dance.”  
Harry stopped and turned around nearly to the door, but stayed silent.  
“ But he didn’t teach me. I had this old crone who I hated, I never did get it right.”  
Seemingly considering this he continued.  
“Not that you were much better, I saw you at the Yule Ball. Hopeless.”  
“At least I don’t claim to be pureblood” retorted Harry half heartedly.  
heartedly.

“some Wizards are better than others” snarled Malfoy.  
“they are” agreed Harry wondering how they had already started arguing. “but I think it’s for different reasons than you might suspect.”  
Leaving Malfoy to mull this one over Harry turned and leafy Harding to his next class which was unfortunately the itehr side of the castle in the greenhouses. 

***

Harry was late to Herbology, getting quizzical looks shot at him from both of his friends. But not as late as Malfoy.  
Harry had been made to work by himself as the others had already paired up by the time he got there. They were repotting tiny devil snares which was much easier said than done. Harry’s appeared to be shriveling in the sunlight, no matter what he attempted however it wasn’t doing quite as badly as Ron and Hermione’s which had gone slimy and smelled disgusting. It wasn’t either of their best subjects.  
It was about half an hour into the lesson when Malfoy appeared red faced and was shooed into the greenhouse by Filch who had apparently found him skiving in the east wing. Professor Sprout looked around to partner him and too late Harry realised he was the only one available. With a sinking feeling he watched as Malfoy slouched over to his desk and dropped his stuff all over it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 12 up what do you think?


	13. Growing pains

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer, the characters and fandom belong to J.K.Rowling and not me. I only came up with the plot idea.

Harry sighed as he reached for the Secateurs to snip a growing tendril of Devils snare which was creeping out of the pot in front of him and heading towards one of the sharp tools on the desk. they had been sitting in sullen silence for the last five minutes and the lack of usual jibes from the other boy was beginning to make him uneasy.

Malfoy was refusing to take any active part in the repotting except glaring quarterly at harrys best attempts to contain the deadly plant whilst keeping it alive. in all fairness thought Harry he would have liked to have been watching the whole affair as well instead of getting his hands scratched battered and bruised by the clearly very disgruntled plant.   
“Potter”  
Harry jumped about a foot in the air dropping the pot he’d been holding and watched as it shattered across the flagstones.  
“Honestly, no need for the dramatics” he continued, as though he hadn’t just been resolutely ignoring Harry for the last however long.  
“What is it Malfoy” Harry huffed.  
“What does make a good wizard then?”.  
The statement was so seemingly random it took Harry a good few seconds to remember the previous conversation they had had in the ballroom, pertaining to the makings of a good wizard. Harry and had disagreed with Malfoys belief that blood, family status and manners mattered. Allthough he supposed he hadn’t ever told Malfoy what he thought made a good wizard. Stalling for time Harry asked  
“why the sudden interest, I thought Malfoys were known for their self reassurance.”  
“i don’t care Potter believe me” came the haughty reply “but u am interested into why you’re so misguided, you could have everything at this school, you’re famous, Gryffindor and pureblood.”  
“Im not pureblood, my mother was a muggleborn, so I’m half-blood.” Harry replied quite certain that Malfoy should have known that.  
“And the sorting hat wanted to put me in Slytherin, but I’d just met you, that’d put me right off.”  
Malfoy was silent but looked if it was possible to be even paler that usual.   
As professor Sprout announced the end of the lesson and the students surged towards the door, Harry turned towards Malfoy and said  
“Did you know that Voldemort is half-blood? That makes him a bit of a hypocrite for demanding purity.”  
He didn’t wait for the response and headed towards the castle, running to catch up with Ron and Hermione ahead.

***

“Are you sure we’re doing this right?” said Harry staring at the potion which it just turned a nasty shade of purple with yellow splotches.

They were in potions the last lesson of the day and Harry was paired with Ron for a change which unfortunately left Hermione to be paired with lavender Brown. it was difficult to say who was more unhappy about this, Hermione or lavender.

Harry and Ron’s potion was now giving off a putrid stink that made Ron wrinkle his nose so my it seemed to be receeding into his face. It gave Harry a bizarre urge to laugh, however with professor Snape stalking around the room like an oversized bat, he felt that a weeks detention would not have been worth it. He sighed and turned back to the potions book, they were supposed to be brewing a potion that combats ageing, It was supposed to be a deep maroon with veins of gold running through it, and smell slightly of rich perfume. Harry looked back down, It was not going well but at least it was a shade of purple.   
“ I dunno mate, maybe we used too many lace wing flies, could be counteracting the toad foot” mused Ron.  
Harry stared at him.  
“what?” said Ron defensively, “just because I’m not as smart as Hermione doesn’t mean I don’t get things right.”  
Harry carried on staring.  
“Alright fine. I heard Hermione say that to lavender a few minutes ago”  
Harry grinned.  
“Do you want to do it or not” huffed the other boy.

***

After dinner Harry could see that Ron and Hermione wanted to spend some time alone, so he walked up the passages in Hogwarts to the secret corridor which led down to Slytherin’s chamber. The route was familiar to him by now, and although it might have been quicker to use the girls bathroom, he's been trying to avoid Myrtle because he really didn't need to be any sadder.  
Once he had settled into one of the comfy armchairs by the fire, Harry mused about his previous conversation with Malfoy. Harry didn’t envy him, as much as he hated the git, Having a father such as Lucius malfoy, can't have been easy. He wondered whether sirius’s family was like that, he remembered someone saying Sirius had lived with the Potters for awhile, could Sirius have never his family so much that he’d run away. He guessed he’d never the only people who would know would be sirius himself and Harry's dad, and they were both dead. Pettigrew might know of course wherever he was now, but Harry had neither the inclination nor the means of contacting him.  
Remus could know aswell but as of yet he hadn’t replied to any of Harry’s letters. He had come to the conclusion that Professor Lupin blamed him for what happened in the department of mysteries, And Harry couldn’t fault him he blamed himself too.

Remembering his promise to Mrs Weasley to keep trying to contact him Harry pulled some parchment paper from the desk Infront of him. He wrote about school and that Mrs Weasley was worried, and that Malfoy was still a git. He asked about Remus’s summer and how he was. And then without thinking he left a note at the end

‘Do you think that it's my fault Sirius is dead?’  
He signed the letter and thought he would give it to hedwig later to deliver. He stood up and yawned stretching his arms above his head, suddenly pain shot through his ribs and he remembered his carefully healing wounds from the summer.  
Guess it would be a few more weeks till those were gone then.  
He headed up the step and made for the Gryffindor common room, his head full of thoughts. If he’d looked around however he might have seen the shadowy figure watch him pass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Believe me I know that Professor Slughorn would technically be professor in this year but I couldn't find a way to fit him into my plot. So, Snape it is. What do you think of the chapter?


	14. it hurts to breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> harry struggles with himself and the death of Sirius.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: The potter franchise is not mine, nor are the characters they belong to J.K.Rowling.

Harry was back in the owlery and cold up under a blanket in one of the deep seated windowsills, he was currently hiding from Hermione who was on a warpath after discovering the Harry’s transfiguration essay due in two days was still sitting blank on his desk . He had been berating him for 20 minutes before discovering the Ron's was also unfinished and while she was scolding him Harry had donned the invisibility cloak and managed to slip out of the common room unnoticed, grabbing his book on the founders of Hogwarts along the way.

He’d seen Malfoy hanging around the corridors near the entrance to the Slytherin chamber rooms, and not being bothered to deal with him right at that second he’d turned and headed in the opposite direction not noticing his path until he wound up the familiar freezing staircase into the owlery.  
Harry looked at the closed book on his lap and wondered not for the first time whether he was going to pull through this.  
He'd lost people before, His parents when he was two ; he still mourned them but having not known them, he had to admit the him and the idea of them and not actually the people they had been themselves. He’d lost Cedric after the Triwizard Tournament, that had hurt. He felt as though he'd gotten close with the boy after that mutual attempts to help each other survive the tournament, Cedric had even once stood up to his friends in front of Harry about the Potter stinks badges. But had they actually been friends? Harry was probably more torn up and traumatised by the experience of his death rather than the loss of the Hufflepuff. He had lost a friend once though, the only kid in Harrys class who had dared defy the unspoken law set by Dudley but Harry was not to be fraternised with. Her name had been Lucy, She had been new to the class having transferred from a different school when her parents switched jobs and moved to Surrey, she taken an instant dislike to the bullying presence of Dudley. Harry was overjoyed his first friend, they spent all their free time together and Harry could remember the day where they explored just a little too far into the territory that Dudley and his gang patrolled. They'd been running away from them. Lucy had been included in the hunting for Harry game. having fled up a tree they'd waited with bated breath as the boys stood under the tree looking for them. Just as they began to move off having thought they'd heard a sound somewhere else Lucy had slipped. Harry had tried to catch her, but she'd fallen.  
Her death certificate said an accident but privately Harry had always thought it had been murder, they wouldn't have been up that tree unless Harry was being chased by the gang. It had taken a long time before Harry could look at a treetops.

But it was worse with Sirius. He had finally had a chance at family, a place to live , someone to take the burden off Harry’s shoulders for once. He looked up to him and trusted him with all of his problems. He had believed maybe it was finally his turn to have family. But with one stupid mistake made by himself he'd gotten him killed. He sighed bitterly and turned back to the book. He felt empty and numb, gone was the initial pain and and anger, replaced by the cold sadness which emptied his heart. He didn’t fit in with Ron and Hermione, he could sense their sadness for him and pity but knew They didn't struggle with the same sadness that he did. That stopped him from being happy even for a moment, from for getting Voldemort was out there somewhere planning his demise, from allowing himself to feel.  
All Harry ever did was get people killed, he didn't deserve his friends or his fame or Hogwarts as his home. Maybe the Dursleys had been right, He was a freak he didn't deserve anything. vaguely he noticed he was no longer in the owlery but at some point his feet had taken him back into the Castle, he was in the 6th floor boys bathroom looking into a mirror. his reflection staring back at him his eyes gaunt, and sad. absentmindedly he looked down towards the sink, he couldn't comprehend what was wrong with it at first. Had they changed the tiles in the bathroom, they seemed to be a different colour now. No, that couldn't be right his arms were red too, like the tiles, a Crimson red. 

A blood red.  
Harry reeled back from the sink slipping on more red on the tiled floor. His breathing was laboured, the Criss crosses along its forearms stinging keeping him awake. A noise by the door alerted him to someone's presence. of course it had to be Malfoy. he seemed frozen in the doorway unable to take in the picture in front of him, seemingly shocked at the sight of the boy he despised for having everything he ever wanted in this state.  
Both boys stood staring at each other not knowing what to do or say, till Harry broke the standoff by slumping forward losing balance as his vision was covered with dark spots. He saw the pale boy leap forwards to stop his head hitting the floor and vaguely wondered why he cared. 

***

When Harris attention and consciousness focused enough to take in his surroundings again, he realised several minutes must have passed. His arms and wrists were wrapped in bandages and a Slytherin jumper had been folded neatly and placed under his head.  
Malfoy had obviously spelled away the mess from earlier as the sinks were once again spotless, and Harry saw him sitting against the wall a few metres from him a pensive expression on his face regarding Harry with a new air.  
Finally he spoke.  
“so, potter. Want to talk about that?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the cliff-hanger, and the wait. I tried so many times to get this one done. Hopefully next update in a few days.


	15. Confessions of the wounded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry's bubble of silent anger and pain is broken, and Malfoys along for the ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER, I don't own the Harry Potter franchise only the plot of this fanfic. The rest belongs to J.K.Rowling.

“so, potter. Want to talk about that?”  
That had been 4 minutes ago and Harry had yet to reply. His mind was whirling. Too many thoughts crossing it to make sense of one before the next one came and replaced it.   
Sirius.  
Pain.  
Regret.  
Longing.  
Pain.  
Hatred.  
Blood.  
Pain.  
His arms.  
Pain.  
Pain.  
Pain.  
***  
“Potter” the voice was quiet, soft. Harry’s eyes shot up.  
He’d been curled up his head in his hands leaning against the cold wall.  
The voice had been so different than the normal drawl of Malfoy that Harry had come to expect, quieter less harsh. The difference shocked him, perhaps after five and a half years of knowing him Harry had finally heard what very few were privy to, a Malfoy without the need to put on a brave front, a bad front. A front which his father didn't make him put on, Harry wondered how much of that front was fear and how much of it longed for his father’s praise. Harry had met Lucius Malfoy, he couldn't imagine him giving a word of praise. Not a single smile.  
“Potter?”, The voice came again and Harry realised he had never actually answered the question only sunk further into his thoughts. he opened his mouth to speak but the only sound that he managed to make was a garbled noise as he choked on his dry mouth. Wordlessly Malfoy stood up walked to one of the sinks producing a glass goblet from one of the sponges there filling it up with water and walking over to Harry passing it to him and sitting next to him on the cold stone floor. Harry gratefully took it and sipped slowly swilling the water around his mouth, he must have bit his tongue at some point because there was a distinct coppery taste across his teeth. As he swallowed he felt some relief come to his dry cracked throat, He gathered his thoughts together again and turned to the boy sitting next to him who he now thought might not have had such a great childhood as originally he had believed. Sure the Malfoys had more money than the Dursleys, and they may not have even hit Draco, but they certainly weren't ever nice to him and at least with the Dursleys Harry had never been looking for their approval.  
“ Did you know that Sirius had died, he was my godfather you know?” croaked Harry.  
“And my cousin if you would believe. Or at least second cousin something like that.” came the reply.  
Harry had never knew that, he immediately felt a sense of guilt and not thinking of the Malfoys loss, he knew they have not been close but still a family member must have been a blow.  
“sorry “ muttered Harry, setting the glass goblet down on the floor between him and the other boy.  
“doesn't matter.” came the reply, “we weren’t ever close, in fact we might have been the opposite. the only times anyone spoke of him, where to jeer at the fact he'd been put in Azkaban when he hated the followers of the dark Lord so much so he'd betrayed his own family. They all hated him.”  
“And you?” Harry pushed.  
“never met him, I couldn't care in the least.” Said Malfoy, but he added as an afterthought “you liked him though, so I'm sorry. Now What about all of this Potter, saviour of the wizarding world, the famous Golden Boy, seemingly carving himself up looking for all the world like no one knows what he's going through. How can that be? When the whole wizarding world knows you.”  
“They don't know me Malfoy, they think they do. They think that they know me because they read stupid stories in the daily Prophet that Rita skeeter writes. Even though they know that that woman hasn't written a true word since she was young enough to be writing a diary. But that wouldn't give enough gossip though would it Malfoy? No, everyone thinks they know me because they want to, they think I'm a new piece of gossip, something to joke about laugh about swap stories of the famous Harry Potter going mad. Yet at the same time they know that somehow, I defeated the dark Lord when I was a child, and that I'm going to do it again now that he's back. They wanted teenager to lead them into battle or to just do it himself but they also want me to be that piece of gossip to laugh about, lighten the mood by reading about what the famous Harry Potter has done recently. People think I have these extra special abilities they will help me in a fucking war. I’m a teenager for god’s sake. I'm not top of my class I'm not brilliant at defence against the dark arts and the only thing to my name is a stupid ability to run head first into dangerous situations and rely on other people to pull me out even when it means they have to sacrifice themselves instead. They know me Malfoy, and they certainly don’t give fuck if I make it through this war as long as they do.”  
Harry scrambled to his feet and staggered for the door turning only when he reached it to glance back at Malfoy who was still sitting with a slightly shocked expression on his face looking at the floor. I guess he had not been expecting the outburst just as much as Harry hadn't been expecting to give it.   
Harry smiled for the first time in a while Malfoy really did look a sight sitting drenched and shocked on the floor. He chuckled and left walking briskly down the corridor and towards the Great Hall. Lunch would be ready by now and he felt starved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 15 up, what do you think? Sorry it took a while I had to do so many versions of this conversation before I was happy with it.


	16. conversations in corridors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> harry bumps into ginny and a has a long overdue heart to heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: not my franchise only this plot belongs to me, the rest belongs to J.K.Rowling.

Heading back to the Gryffindor common room his leg slightly shaky from his encounter with Malfoy, I'm still unnerved that there was a large gap in his memory, Harry didn't see Ginny coming till he almost walked straight into her. She had her arms folded her long red hair spilling over her maroon jumper emblazoned with an orange G, clearly a Christmas present from last year as the sleeves we're now far too short and had been pushed up to her elbows. realizing she'd been talking for the last 30 seconds Harry pulled himself together and caught the tail end of her words.  
“… And where were you off to in such a rush earlier anyway you completely ignored me outside the portrait of the fat lady, I really needed your help with Luna and I still do. She’s asked me to go and feed the thestrals with her, And do you think it's a date Harry, or do you think she just wanted me to come along so she'd have some company. I know some of the kids have been bullying her and I hate it and if I find out which ones have been they'll get a bat bogey hex straight up the nostril.”   
“I” Started Harry before trailing off not really sure what to do with the overload of information he just received from Ginny. he pulls them in it with trying to take it everything important bits, Ginny Hardy difficult habit of blurting everything she was thinking when she was in a rush and Harry not being the most observant had difficulty picking up which bits she wanted him to respond to.  
“Well” she snapped after a few more seconds, clearly deciding Harry had had enough time to answer.  
“I dunno Gin, not really my area of expertise but I’ve seen the way you both look at each other, it’s got to be a date. Or maybe one of you will finally get up the nerve to tell the other how you feel. Stop overthinking it, its Luna. You’ll be fine.”  
By the time Harry had got to the end of this impromptu speech both of their cheeks were glowing red with embarrassment feelings wasn't really something either of them did especially well, especially after they both realised they didn't have a crush on each other at all and in fact liked their own gender. Occasionally, they would use each other to fend off Mrs Weasley but other than that Harry found he was much closer to Ginny than he'd ever thought he would be, feelings however was still not on the table the only things they usually talked about with credit and other topics how are you really discussed with Ron.   
At this thought Harry felt bad, Ginny it helped him not feel so lonely after the last couple of months when running Hermione seemed to have much less time for him, don't get him wrong he was happy for them he thought they were a great couple but still it seemed that the happy friendship had turned into their relationship plus him. But Harry thought he probably could have made more of an effort, and resolved to ask Ron to a game of chess that afternoon.  
“You're probably right said Ginny” drawing him back to the topic that they were discussing before, ”I'll just go as normal and then if it is a date great if it isn't maybe I'll finally tell her how I feel”  
“great “ said Harry absentmindedly, His thoughts for some reason drifting onto his memory of Malfoy sitting beside him on the bathroom floor.  
“anyway enough about me,” said Ginny suddenly, “you've been slipping away a lot recently, anyone caught your eye.”  
For reason that Harry couldn't quite explain, he didn't immediately deny Ginny's accusation but instead answered with   
“no one that would have any interest in me”  
Ginny scoffed, “ Harry, with the exception of a few of the Slytherins, and I say a few and not all because I know that some of them idolise you anyway, you could have anyone you wanted.”  
Harry was silent.  
“no” breathed Ginny, “ for god’s sake Harry, I know you have a thing about people wanting you only because of your legacy, but this is proven your masochistic tendencies even past where your fellow Gryffindor can justify them.”  
“Which one is it anyway you might have a chance with him.?”  
“no luck there,” he muttered, “I'm not even sure whether I like him, but I just feel drawn to him somehow.”  
Ginny paled, “Tell me it's not who I think it is Harry, come on his dads tried to kill you what? three times. “  
“only two I think,” placated Harry, but by the reddening in Ginny’s face and the furrowing of her brow he realised he'd done the exact opposite. But then something washed over her face a wave of understanding Harry thought, perhaps she'd realised he had no idea what he was feeling at all and in fact did much prefer to just all go away. He could go back to hating Malfoy in peace, insulting him in the corridors I'm pretending that he hadn't saved his life. because inexplicitly Harry knew without Malfoy stepping in he might not be here talking to Ginny. He did however have to remind himself of the conversation he'd heard between Draco and Snape, Malfoy was simply buttering him up so that he could turn him over to the dark Lord, but then why did Harry feel as though something else was going on Malfoy had always kept his expressions so guarded yeah how it always seemed to be able to set him off, admittedly usually in anger.  
As they both turned and headed towards the warm common room with the fire and the cocoa, Harry tried to push all thoughts of the inscrutable blonde boy from his head, turning his thoughts instead towards chess strategies in the blind hope that this time he might actually get close to winning against Ron.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 16 up what do you think?


	17. Toads bring guilt and boredom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry gets a letter and looks for a toad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: i don't own the Potter fandom though i wish i did. Only this plot belongs to me, the rest to J.K.Rowling.

After losing spectacularly to run the previous night at Wizards chess several times in a row, Harry was feeling a lot better the next morning, as he, Ron and Hermione headed down to the Great Hall they were joined by a nervous looking Neville.  
“what's up Neville” asked Harry, pushing open the portrait of the fat lady and holding it open for Ron behind him.  
“I've lost Trevor again” he cried miserably, “that's the third time this month, I only found him last time because he nearly hopped into my vanishing potion in potions last week. If I don't find him again soon, Gran’s going to go spare. She gave me Trevor before my first year of Hogwarts and made me promise not to lose him because I don't think we can afford another one.”  
Ron looked glum, Harry realised he'd probably have had the same problem with Scabbers, if the rat hadn't turned out to be Peter Pettigrew .It felt weird to find a positive in the betrayal of one of the best friends of his father.  
“we'll find him, won't we ?” vowed Hermione confidently, sheep in the one to help Neville look for him when he lost him on the train on the way to Hogwarts in first year afterall, and Harry suspected she'd had a soft spot for the toad since then.  
“yeah of course” mattered the two boys, both silently thinking they could fill their time with something much more exciting then looking fruitlessly for an old toad in a Castle bigger than they could wrap their heads round.  
***  
It was a Saturday so after breakfast they want any classes they needed to head straight to, so Hermione dragged Ron and Harry out of the great hall to begin the search, with Neville trailing behind them, still trying to wipe some leftover jam from his robes.  
They tried the library first, because never remembered seeing Trevor last in that corridor, they searched for about half an hour up and down the toll stacks of books lit by warm yellow light, till even even Hermione looked sick at the prospect of spending more time with the books. Next they tried the owlery crossing their fingers that one of the elves hadn't mistaken Trevor as a morning snack, but the toad was nowhere to be seen either . All though Hedwig did give Harry a letter, and noticing the familiar scrawl, he stuffed it in his pocket before the others could see it preferring to open it in private later.  
After the owlery, they tried the gryphon door common room the quidditch stands by the Lake.  
Finally as they were heading back to the Great Hall for lunch under the guise of extending their search for the toad two under the house tables did Harry notice to his left Ginny and Luna heading into the forbidden forest in the direction of the thestrals. He smiled under his breath, crossing his fingers the later in the common room Ginny would tell him of their success. He did briefly wonder how interesting a date would be for Ginny when she couldn't see the thestrals as last summer in the ministry of magic she had been in the midst of battling McNair when Harry had lost Sirius, but he brushed off this thought before the sadness could creep in, thinking that Ginny would just have more opportunity to stare at Luna instead.  
As Harry tucked into roast chicken, potatoes and salad, helping himself to extra slices of treacle tart with ice cream one Hermione wasn't looking; she had a strict policy of one dessert per meal that she enforced with an iron fist, Harry wondered what was in the letter crammed into his left pocket in his robe. When Hedwig had given it to him, he had immediately recognised the scrolling handwriting in green ink to be that of Professor Remus Lupin. Harry’s last letter that he had written to professor Lupin had been a cry for help and only contained a sliver of doubt that the man didn't blame him for the death of Sirius last summer.  
This letters contents would reveal, Harry hoped, whether the professor blamed him for what happened in the ministry of magic and whether or not he might potentially find a temporary home with the man next summer. Harry couldn't face another summer with the Dursleys and he wasn't sure he'd live to the end of it.  
When Ron had finally finished his heaped plate of chicken, they all got up and headed for the doors of the Great Hall, Harry figured this was his chance to get away. Hermione and Ron both knew about the occlumency lessons which had the code name “remedial potions” and if he said he had one of these appointments booked Hermione would be more than happy to let him slip away., whereas in fact Harry would head straight for the Slytherin underground rooms to open the letter and receive his fate for the summer.

***

Having escaped the toad hunt with nothing more than an envious glance on rons part, which Harry thought to be an exaggeration of the task as, as far as Ron knew Harry was about to have an extra lesson with Snape, he had down the spiralling stairs to the pre lit fire with an armchair by it.  
20 minutes later he was still sitting in the armchair with the unopened letter in front of him, he couldn't make himself open it, it was too important to him. He’d tried psyching himself up for it and trying to snap out of the paralysing fear the Remus blamed him too, his friends had reminded him several times there was nothing that could have been done, he still couldn't shake off any of the blame he put on himself for the tragedy, if professor Lupin blamed him too it would only solidify his guilt.  
Eventually what seemed like hours later but in reality was only a couple more minutes, Harry reached for the letter, pulled it towards him and slit it open with an ornate letter opener sitting on the side table beside him. He pulled out the parchment and began to read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 17 up, what do you think. Sorry to leave you on a cliff-hanger but i wanted the letter to have its own chapter. Speaking of chapters, sorry about all the weird chapter names going on, I'm having a lot of fun making them up :)

**Author's Note:**

> Writing this purely because I want to read a fanfic with this plot but I cant find one. Please be nice and leave any suggestions in the comments.


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